The Return Department
Setting – A clerk mans the desk of the Return Department
Customer: Hi, is it too early to return these New Year’s resolutions?
Clerk: Were they unrealistic or just soul-crushingly awful?
Customer: Does it matter?
Clerk: Of course not! Next in line…
Customer 2: Is it possible to return this negative self-talk?
Clerk: Did you get it from here?
Customer 2: No, I’m pretty sure I picked it up on social media.
Clerk - as she feels around the bags: Let’s see… “I should not eat carbs” and… “I don’t deserve dessert.”
Customer 2: How’d you know?
Clerk: A lot of people are returning these. They’re very unpopular. Next…
Customer 3: Can I return this love-hate relationship with cookies?
Clerk: Do you want to return them both, or just the hate?
Customer 3: I can return just the hate?
Clerk: Yeah!
Customer 3: I love that! I hate the hate.
Clerk: Hate the hate!
If you are a TV watcher, like me, you will recognize these interactions as the scripts from the newest series of Weight Watchers commercials. I love them, all! My first job after college, was working the desk at the Wilbro Customer Service counter in Dothan, Alabama, where I heard every reason imaginable for wanting to return a recent purchase. Wilbro policy was simple. If the customer wants a refund or exchange, just give it to them. No hassles at all. We were as cheerful and as helpful as the clerk in these commercials.
Still, customers always seemed to feel the need to offer a good reason for the return that would not reflect poorly on their own choices. In all the time I worked there, not one customer ever said to me, “I made a mistake buying this” or “I was impulsive and have now decided I don’t need it” or “I really can’t afford this.” Many customers walked up to counter, loins fully girded, as if they were expecting a confrontation. You could tell some of them had been rehearsing their story in the car all the way to the store and practicing for the inevitable escalation of the conflict should we give them any trouble about it. Maybe they had been to other stores where the policy wasn’t so forgiving. Maybe they just carried a little sense of shame to the counter with their return item. Whatever the reason, it was not necessary, and I always took great pleasure in their stunned looks as we cheerfully took the items they didn’t want and peacefully handed over their refunds – the very same looks of relief and surprise we see from the customers in these commercials.
Of course, it all reminds me of church. Oh, come on, you knew it was coming eventually! These commercials tap into a basic need in people to acknowledge and recover from their mistakes and poor choices AND the need for a place where the “associates” understand this happens to everyone AND where there is a process and a policy that can make things right again. We have all of that at church, or at least we should. For all the good we do in our community meeting financial and physical needs, I think our Return Department is the greatest service we can possibly offer anyone.
Isaiah understood this, very well. He tells us in Isaiah 61:3 that the Lord appointed him to seek out those who mourn and trade them beauty for their ashes, oil of joy for their mourning, and a garment of praise for their spirit of heaviness.
What better mission for us to be on during this season of Lent – a time of year we set aside to acknowledge and even to mourn over our sin? I would expect this should be the busiest time of year for our Return Department, which I should also tell you, is equipped to handle much more than just our sin. Our associates understand there many other returns you need to make. Our grief, our betrayals, our depression and anxiety, our finances, our illnesses, our concern for our children, our jobs, and many other things can produce artifacts in our lives we need to return.
People in our community need to know our Return Department is open 24/7 and the boss is always on duty. (If you haven’t already guessed, its Jesus.) His mission and passion is to take whatever we bring off our hands and give us something better in exchange. I heard in a great song once He is available “anywhere we choose to bow.” No need for elaborate stories or fancy excuses. We can leave it all with Him with no judgement. And if you prefer to visit a brick-and-mortar location, our pastor has arranged for the altar of our sanctuary to be open every day during Lent. If you would like for someone to pray with you, we can arrange that, as well.
If that were something we wanted to advertise to our church and our community, our commercial might go something like this:
Setting - Jesus manning the desk of the Return Department;
Prodigal walking up to the desk: I would like to return this reckless living.
Jesus: Not really working out for you, huh?
Prodigal: No, not really. There were a lot of attractive things out there I thought would make me happy, but they didn’t.
Jesus: Yeah, I’m seeing a lot of that this Millennium. Of course, I’ll take back the reckless living. What would you like in exchange for it.
Prodigal: I really just want to go back to my father’s house and work as one of his servants.
Jesus: Well, I think we can do better than that but let me make a quick call.
Jesus hanging up the phone: Yes, go ahead and find your way home, Son. Your father is waiting for you on the road. He has ordered his servants to bring you his best robe, a ring for your finger, and new shoes for your feet. Later today, he will kill the fatted calf and throw a great party in your honor and declare to everyone, “My son was dead, but is alive again. He was lost and is found!”
Prodigal: OMG! Thank you, so much!
Jesus: You are very welcome! Next in line…
Our boss is always able “to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.”
Joy for your mourning.
New lives for old.
Beauty for ashes.
You are not going to find a better deal anywhere!
Grace and peace, my friends.